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Pixelicious: The only blog with Flabtassle Gardenflid

Thursday September 22, 2005 - Permanent link to this post -

There are a lot of things that piss me off about Marketing. One such thing is the use of fraudulant claims of uniqueness that offer no useful information about a product.

For example: The Deep is a big fishtank on the waterfront in Hull, claims to be the "World's Only Submarium". The world's only what? Submarium? Hang on. I'll get the dictionary... Nope. Can't find it. Did you make that word up, Hull? Granted, it sounds better than Sea Life Center, Aquarium or Fishtank, but it doesn't actually exist, does it?

I'm the world's foremost authority on Finglegran.

Then there's the Probiotic bollocks. I'm no chemist, so I can't make the following statement with any certainty, but I'm pretty sure that all those Feel Good Bacteria drinks must contain a lot of the same ingredients. There's got to be one main ingredient that actually does the good stuff (if indeed it does anything at all). So why is it that every advertisment seems to tout a different key ingredient. Bifido Digestivum? L.casei Immunitas? I haven't a clue what either of these things are or even why I need to know, but apparently they're good for me. Why bother mentioning it in the ad? It's pointless information. At best it's going to make me feel stupid.

I have the largest collection of Grundicalics in the North of England.

Nutri Ceramide in shampoo. Does that give me a glossy coat? I'd hazzard a guess that it does fuck all other than sound clever. Protiens, Fruit Acids, Antioxidants, Botanical Extracts and Pro-vitamins. Cow crap, the lot of it. Just tell me the truth. It'll clean my hair and it smells nice. That's all I need to know.

My phlegm contains one of the highest concentrations of Teraberafantino A in the UK.

I don't get why they do it. I'm not in Marketing, so I suppose I don't really need to. It seems pointless though to make up words or use scientific terms which will have little or no meaning to the consumer. Is it to bamboozle us? Is it a trick to make us think that the company selling the product is really clever and therefore must be right? These here question marks aren't just for fun, folks. I want to know. Tell me why I'm wrong here. Examples of other nonesense marketing are also welcome.

On 22 September, 18:56, Gareth did say:
> Is it to bamboozle us? Is it a trick to make us think that the company
> selling the product is really clever and therefore must be right?

I’d say yes. But where ‘Us’ isn’t the people with enough smarts to disect the science and the messaging. I cant remember the last time I didn’t wander out of the room or switch channels when adverts cropped up but they get results from somewhere – my guess would be people who think along the lines of;

“If they are clever and I buy their products, by association I’ll be clever!”

(Think Apple but replace clever with Geek Cool)

PS. Your Google adds really hit the spot for this post. Your currently advertising the same products you mention. Irony. :-)
On 22 September, 19:06, Turnip did say:
I saw an antenna booster shaped like a satellite advertised once. It said things like “Uses RF technology” and “You don’t pay satellite bills because you don’t use satellite signals!”
On 23 September, 02:51, tristan did say:
You are wrong as you mentioned, yes. ‘Big words’ as you call them subconsciously affect you, even if you don’t think they do. See it’s all got to do with the release of Gludescemol, by the Mellmna – the thing that attaches your brain to your spinal cord…
On 23 September, 12:14, Tom did say:
I’ve been to “Europes deepest fishtank” but I had more fun at Birmingham Sea Life, which was a pond in comparison.
On 2 November, 16:45, Alan did say:
Nice article… I find it really funny that years and years ago, Daz was “whiter than white” and yet they can make it even whiter still with every iteration of their product.

“Now even whiter!!!”

Bollocks… Same as before ;-)
On 4 November, 14:56, Zoey did say:
This entry made me laugh so hard, i shot coffee through my nose.

Being (ostensibly) female, i think as a whole, the dearth of Banal Ingredient Syndrome is in cosmetics marketing.
“Nutrillium, for shinier hair!” Isn’t that what Doc Oc used to make his nuclear-energy device that almost blew up NYC?
The wondrerful thing about “cosmeceuticals” is that they can just make up spurious ingredients and claim they can topically alter the bone structure of your face or give you a non-surgical face lift, or, my favorite, grow you some Dolly Parton-like breasts “in only 4 months!”
Recently i ran across “Mela-NO”; i’m not sure, but i think it’s a cream that’s supposed to wick away melanoma spots…
It’s one of those things that walks the fine line between hysterically funny and nauseating.
On 14 December, 20:05, Viktor did say:
haha, so true! I think the shampoo thing is one of the worst. They always use the word “natural” combined with some fruit and then some really advanced word which could be anything aslong as it sounds advanced.