Green Cross Code, Dickhead!
Sunday September 11, 2005 - Permanent link to this post -
If you're a regular reader you may know that I'm a cyclist. Not in the competetive, racing sense of the word, but in the sense that I commute to and from to toil on my trusty aluminium steed. Readers may also know that this trip does not always pass without incident.
I did a hit-and-run this morning on my ride to work. I was just getting into town when I saw somebody step off the pavement on the other side of the road about 20 yards in front of me. He swaggered diagonally across the road with his coiffeured Toni & Guy hair and flashy shoes, drinking his fair trade orange juice from a bottle. He did look around a bit as he stepped off the kerb, but seemed not to care that there was approaching traffic (me, on my bike). You get this a lot in York and probably many other places. I think they expect the traffic to flow around them.
As I got closer to this guy, with his stay-pressed trousers and big-collered shirt (who for somebody I'd only known for 15 yards I had already made quite a few judgements about). I realised that his path was basically closing mine, forcing me to make a decision. I would either have to swerve into oncoming traffic, nip inside him towards the left kerb, or stop. I wasn't going to stop so I decided to cut him up and make him jump out of his moisturised skin. That'd teach him a lesson.
As I got just behind him I shouted “Look both ways, dickhead! Green cross code!” and cut in on his left hand side, just at the point when he raised his arm to take a drink of juice. I wasn't travelling fast but as he made this movement it was too late to swerve any further away from him. I accidentally clipped his elbow with mine as I skimmed past, knocking orange drink over his ever-so-cool retro clothes. I'll stress at this point that I had absolutely no intention of clipping him, only riding past him, shouting and making him aware that he really should pay more attention.
I've got mixed feelings about this one. On one hand I feel gleeful delight that a strange coincidence turned an everyday annoyance (dodging wankers who don't pay attention to bicycles) into a slapstick spill-fest. On the other hand, if I was that pedestrian I probably wouldn't appreciate having been struck by a vehicle on my way to work, and I certainly wouldn't have wanted to sit all day in an orange stained shirt. But then, I probably would have looked both ways.
Very important, the Green Cross Code.
I wouldn’t beat yourself up about it though man…. just keep picking on the pedestrians, or paedos as I and the News of the World like to call them…. (I think..)
Oh, and orange juice? Is that common in the Oo-Kay to drink while galavanting across the road, headed to work?
Either way you had best watch out for a few days
Mind you, I also have my beef with some of the cyclists – mainly those who think that the area around where I live is pedestrianised and ride on the right-hand side of the road. Yeah, you’re going to nearly get run over if you do that. I’ve nearly hit two in the last month because they’ve done this.
Or there’s the delivery dickheads who use our road as a rat run, but don’t look where they’re going when they turn down it. One of them missed me and Jo by less than a foot once and just stuck their fingers up at us when I shouted after them.
Grrr…
On my way to work a few weeks ago – a 5 minute coast down a hill – i almost hit the back end of a car at near twenty miles an hour, because some half-wit thought that there pocket rocket could get round the corner and up the hill before i got to that junction. After i had slammed on my breaks, i looked behind me and noticed that the only thing he was worried about, was if i had hit his car.
See you in hell ;)